A Flash of Brilliant Clarity

Today was Christmas bonus day.

Yesterday I wrote that I was asking for as large a bonus as last year….or maybe more!

What I got was a flash of brilliant clarity.

The company I work for has had significant challenges for the last 4 to 5 years.  In spite of these challenges, the company has managed to operate status quo.  At the end of the company’s challenges, there may be significant financial rewards.  However, finances have declined this year.   The first cuts to the budget have been the staff bonuses.  Not management bonuses.  Not sales bonuses.  Not parties.  Not receptions.  Not promotion items like hockey tickets.  Staff bonuses – the bonuses for the worker bees.

It suddenly became very clear to me that my/our contribution to the company is not valued.  It is taken for granted.  Nor is it ever likely to be valued as it should.

I now understand that there will be no significant rewards for me.  There will be rewards for consultants, for management, for sales, for The Boss’ Boys.  But there will be no significant rewards for the staff.  Perhaps a little, if we’re lucky, but nothing significant.

Further, I don’t want to strive to achieve or exceed expectations in hopes of a reward that may never come.  I have  lifetime’s worth of experience trying to please people (men) who haven’t valued me.   It’s time to move on.

Today I learned this:  just because I didn’t get what I want, doesn’t mean I didn’t get what I need.

It’s time to polish up the resume.  It’s time to network.  It’s time to change my attitude.  The next six months will be spent finding a great job.  Really great money, intelligent and hard working coworkers, and a happy company morale.

Asking for more…..

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