Oscar Worthy Movies

OH.  MY.  GOD!!!!

Just came back from seeing Black Swan with Little Sis and Best Friend.

…..

…..

Words escape me.  It was freakishly stunning.  I had a knot in my stomach from the first 10 seconds.  I feel like I’ve been chewed up and spit out.  Sorry, but that’s exactly how I feel.  It’s been a long time since I’ve been that affected by a movie.  Likely since Million Dollar Baby.

I wonder how making a movie like that would change not only Nathalie Portman, but the also the whole crew?  How could a person return to a light and normal life, like , say, picking up bananas on the way home from work, after visiting such a dark place?  And what is it like to be so gifted?  If Nathalie doesn’t win an Oscar, I will be very surprised.

Stunning and brilliant.  But definitely not for everyone.

I’ve seen The Social Network and The King’s Speech and I loved both of them.  But Black Swan is on a whole other level.

Now I need to go to yoga to calm my mind and my energy – I’m definitely suffering from sensory overload!

Oooohhhhhmmmmmm…….

 

Decorating Joy

Can I just say that I love Lowe’s?  To paraphrase (not to be confused with Para Paints…bad pun, I know) How do I love thee…let me paint the ways!

Lowe’s has the line of Sarah Richardson paints made by Para.Sarah is my favorite designer!  I aspire to the kind of creativity and energy she has.  Love the new show, Sarah 101.Lowe’s has the fabulous stove that I want!  Do I really need two ovens?  Definitely not.  But think of how fabulous it would be at Christmas or Thanksgiving!  Isn’t it pretty?  I LUST after this stove.

Lowe’s has the pretty new light fixture for my porch I’m going to sweet-talk my bro-in-law into installing when it’s not -30 degrees and snowing….sometime in the near future!And they have the gorgeous glass backsplash tiles I want for my kitchen.  So pretty! Oh, the list is endless, really…….

On this snowy, chilly afternoon, it was fun to be a consumer in a brand new store.  And, guess what’s right next door to the new Lowe’s?  Home Sense!!  Discount decorating fabulousness!!  Time to get creative……… with the budget too.  🙂

A Good Week

This week was a good week.  I’m saying it again:  this week was a good week.

In my quest for joy and balance as I head towards 50, it’s just as important to reflect on the good stuff as it is to complain (constructively, of course) about the bad stuff.  I need to give the enjoyments in my life as much attention as I give the challenging stuff.

Work was relatively calm this week.  C. A. L. M.  Oh-so-good.  I managed to get some productive work done, which can be difficult in a very chaotic business.  I tuned out the silliness and distractions.  Shut down Obnoxious Sales Guy.   Tuned out Negative Coworker.  Enjoyed some laughs with Brilliant Junior Finance Guy.   Calm.I had breakfast on Wednesday with the Hot French Lobbyist who not only agreed to be a professional reference for me in my job search, but also volunteered to keep his eyes open for opportunities for me.   This is oh-so-good too!

I finally got the resume done – but it’s too long.  Who knew I did this much?????  I often forget I have a big, big job.   I’m going to spend some time editing this weekend, and then I’m going to post my masterpiece on the job boards.(Anyone remember the typewriter?  I love this picture.)

I am really liking the new Weight Watchers Points Plus program.  It is EPIC to be able to eat fruit for snacks (yes, even bananas!!) and not have to count it.   The next weigh in is on Monday, but I’m just enjoying the good nutrition of the program so much, I’m not sure I care.

A-HA moment:  It’s easier to do one thing at a time.  I am finding it much easier to focus on eating properly when I’m not trying to cram in working out every day (and deal with the guilt if I don’t), packing the gym bag, doing enough laundry to have clean gym clothes and all the other energy spent around exercise.  So, for the next couple of months, I give myself permission to work only on nutrition.  And then when it feels good and the weather warms up, I will add back in the walking/running program.  The gym membership has been cancelled.However, I have an interview next week with my yoga studio.  I’m going to volunteer 4 hours a week in exchange for unlimted yoga.  Yoga doesn’t feel like exercise to me.  Yoga feels like something lovely I do for my mental health.  Balance.  Balance.  Balance.  And it’s going to be nice to meet new people and spend some time in a lovely zen space.Yesterday, I “escaped” (Ha!) work early and headed to Chapters for a decaf and an hour spent wandering through the stacks and shopping giftware on sale.  Bought a lovely mullled-wine scented candle ($3.99) – which is by my bed – and a very girlie piece of fiction.  Perfect for my Friday night and the glass of wine which followed when I got home.  Aaaaahhhhhhh.

Work – good.  Nutrition – good.  Life balance – getting better.  It was a good week.

Going shopping later at the brand new Lowe’s that just opened in my neighbourhood.  I have a little decorating in mind.  🙂

Winter Comfort Food

And I don’t mean chocolate!  The focus is on real food…..

I’ve been struggling a bit with a serious case of the “lazies” and craving January foods.  January foods are filled with carbs and fat and deliciousness.  January foods are warm, unlike July foods which are also full of carbs and fat and deliciousness and are cold (aka ice cream).

So, Ginas Skinny Recipes is my new favorite blog.  I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE tuna noodle casserole.  And this picture looks creamy and cheezy and great.

I did manage to make myself spaghetti and meatballs for dinner (PC light Italian meatballs, Blue Menu sauce, confetti veggies, and tons of freshly grated parm – yum!!).  But this tuna casserole looks much better.  And Gina is very Weight Watchers friendly.

And I only ate 2 of the mini Reese’s PB cups that Skinny Coworker bought and left on the reception desk for all to share. (120 cals).

Haven’t managed to squeeze in any exercise today, but I may do some yoga while I watch The Biggest Loser.  Does that count?  🙂

I’m having breakfast with the Hot French Lobbyist tomorrow morning.  Hmmm…….must do some planning so that I don’t blow the points bank. 

Yup, today is all about food.

Summary of the Week

It’s Saturday and I’ve spent the whole day being a sloth.  I stayed in my yoga pants until 2:00.  Didn’t even brush  my teeth until 2:30.  Still haven’t showered….probably won’t.  Oh, and it’s 6:30 and I’m back in my yoga pants!  I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE days like this.  No guilt here.

It was definitely a week of highs and lows.

Lows:  work related, for sure.  Big screw-up.  Stressful.  All-consuming.  The usual stuff.

Highs:  a really great hot yin yoga class.  A delicious lunch out with my peeps from work.  A glass of wine with a good friend last night who is always honest and supportive.  And believe it or not, solving my work crisis felt pretty good.  It meant having some hard conversations about my screw-up with a client, with a consultant and with my Boss.  A good learning experience.  The outcome was positive, though, and I made that happen.

Surprisingly, Obnoxious Sales Guy came through for me with my problem.  Completely unexpected.  Don’t you love it when people surprise you for the better?

On other notes, I sent my resume to my yoga studio offering to volunteer 4 hours a week at the reception desk for unlimited free yoga.  They are open to it and I should have an interview this week.  I’m pretty excited about this.  Good for the budget and a great way to meet new people.

The Mission is not going well.  Needless to say, with all the stress at work (and this being PMS week), I’ve not been sticking to the new Weight Watchers program.  It’s not REALLY bad, but it’s not great either.  There was wine!  🙂  However, it’s a new day and it’s back to business.

Tomorrow, it’s back to work on the resume and chore day at home.  Sure has been nice enjoying the sloth today.Source:  By: Edouard Franqueville (France) ©2009

 

Funny How Life Works!

So, I had another crappy day at work today.  I screwed up…….because I was going 100mph doing 20 things at once, trying to keep up with my own increased workload as well as that of a coworker who is away.  Anyway, I’m not going to bitch about that because I’m totally boring myself by complaining all the time.But, I thought I would pop into Shoppers Drug Mart on my way home to pick up some healthy goodies (CheeCha Puffs and 100 Calorie chocolate covered pretzels).Who should I meet but a former consultant with our firm with whom I have a great relationship!  We talked for a little while (OK, I complained.  Which is why I’m boring even myself).  Finally, I asked him if he would be a reference for me as well.  Brilliant, right?  He’s perfect! And he agreed.

Funny how life puts the right people in my path when I need them.  The trick is to be open to them.

Now I really need to finish the resume.  The plan is coming together, which really excites me.

And I’m going to hot yin yoga.  I need to calm my mind down because thinking about work 24/7 is also boring.  I WILL claim my mind back.  At least for tonight.  🙂

Job Search Breakthrough

One of the difficult parts of working for a company for a long, long time is the lack of references.

I interact with dozens and dozens of people every week, but I cannot ask them to be a reference for me because they will very likely advise my Boss that I’m job hunting.One of my references is our  former bank manager who has moved on to another position.  She will keep my search confidential.

One of my references is a former client who I also know on a personal level.  She will keep my search confidential.

Here’s the breakthrough!

The Hot French Lobbyist has agreed to be a reference for me and to keep it confidential!  It shocked me!!  He called today and I told him I was going to slit my own throat and bleed to death on the floor to put myself out of my misery.  OK, yes, it was a trifle dramatic, but it was just one of those days!

When I told him that I need him to be a refernce for me, he agreed.  Without me coaxing.  Or pleading.  Or cajoling.  Or begging, which I was fully prepared to do.    And he agreed to shut up about it.

I knew there had to be a reason that the Universe put him in my life.  It sure wasn’t for sex.

Sadly.

Oh well.

🙂

 

Learning, learning, learning….

I ate ice cream yesterday. And a sandwich followed by cookies the day before.

So, I guess I now know that I can’t manage high protein/low carb for an entire month, never mind 60 days.  Gotta have some carbs to get through PMS.  What can I say?Jillian Michaels says “There is no failure, only feedback.”  I guess I’d better look for the feedback here.

From Bodybugg, I learned that if I move around all day, I can burn as many calories as having a big workout in a one hour window.  And I learned that if I’m consistently consistent, I can lose weight.

From the high protein/low carb program, I learned that I need to eat lots of protein and some fat to feel full.  I MUST use this lesson if I’m going to be successful.

And then, Younger Sis convinced me to join Weight Watchers (online) yesterday.  I’m hoping the new program works better than the old one did.  I’ll give it a shot – what the hell! The new focus on the WW Points Plus program is whole healthy foods that are lower in carbs.  I like this idea alot or I wouldn’t have joined for the 100 millionth time.  And if it worked for this girl (family tragedy, young child), then there should be no reason it won’t work for me.166 days until July 1.  I will start the summer wearing shorts and a tank top!!  I WILL!!

 

More on a Bucket List…

I’m still thinking about yesterday’s post.  Thinking about what I need in my life to be fulfilled…..

I think I need experiences, as opposed to specific goals.  Experiences that I can have over and over again.

I went though many lists of very specific things – go to Bora Bora, learn to play the piano, get an MBA etc., etc., etc.

I need  job that leaves me feeling fulfilled and with energy and excitement for my real life at the end of the day.

I need close friends and hopefully a romantic love.

I need not to spend any more time dieting (and failing) and driving myself crazy.  I need to just get this done.

I need to have the resources to travel.  That means a new job.

I need a job that fills me with a feeling of accomplishment and energy at the end of the day.  Oh.  Did I mention that already?

I need to feel connected.

And I think I need to be a whole lot kinder to myself.

This list is not about having things, or doing things, or even about accomplishing things.  It’s about people, and connection, and about the joy I feel at the end of the day.

Not that I don’t want to climb the Eiffel Tower, see the Grand Canyon, run a marathon or learn to play the piano.  But in the end, it’s all about the people, isn’t it?

A Bucket List?

It’s a crazy-snowy day in Ottawa.  Driving is awful.  Good day to be at home on the couch.

However, today I went to the funeral of a coworker’s Mom.  It’s a story that is a little tragic and a little enlightening.  CW’s Mom became a single Mom when her husband left her with three young children, for a younger (and obviously sluttier- sorry, just  had to say it) woman.  Mom never got over Dad, or the whole idea of being left.  She was bitter and angry for a long time, endowing upon her children a legacy of anger and not a little bitterness.  She was diagnosed with cancer at 59 and died at 60.

The whole situation makes me think about several issues.

First, does our mental state affect our health so much that we actually shorten our lives if we have toxic thoughts bubbling around in our heads for decades?  Could the anger, loneliness, and bitterness brought on by the breakup have hastened Mom’s demise?  This is an interesting article about how our emotions and personality may affect our health and the possibility of cancer.

In any case, I ask myself how I can change my stress levels and reactions to toxic people and events to maintain my good health.  I don’t want to feel that way because…well, it’s just a crappy way to feel.  But I also don’t ever want to be that sick.  Being sick sucks.   I want to be happy.  And I want to be healthy.

Second, CW’s Mom was only 60.  If I thought that I only had 10 years left, would I consider that I’d had a life well-lived?  Have I done enough?  Have I had enough joy?  Have I wasted too much time on people, jobs, or things that didn’t contribute in any positive way to my life?  Did I bring enough joy to other people?  Have I made a difference?

For those of us who haven’t had children, I think the answer may always be “no”.  CW’s Mom could say that she raised 3 beautiful children.  I cannot claim that.  Is being educated enough to have had a full life?  Travelling?  Having friends?  Making money? Being thin?

What do I need to do in the next 10 years….or even the next year….to feel that I’ve had a full, rich life?  What if I was diagnosed tomorrow with a horrible disease?  What would bring me enough joy that I would be content at the end?

Off the top of my head….Paris, for sure!

Defintiely some great sex (and hopefully, sometime soon….!) 🙂But further thought is needed on other, less obvious ideas.  It’s a good night for contemplation – snowy outside, warm and cozy inside, and a glass of wine close by.